James Doohan has passed away. I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT
Everyone knows my rivalry with Canadian actor Jimmy Doohan. To recap, I’ll tell you about the feud.
When I was practicing law, I was totally fiending over this chick in my office that was a Trekkie. I thought it would be cool if I could seduce her not by threatening to kill her family, but though kindness. I used my contacts to get us tickets to a Trek Convention in Texas. She was really excited and I had a strong gut feeling that I was gonna get some. So, we fly to Texas and get to the convention. GEEK CENTRAL!!! Someone thought that I was dressed up as M.Bison from Street Fighter II. Years later, I now see the resemblance. Anywhoo, I use my charm to cut in line and go straight up to Jimmy Doohan and introduce her to him. They hit it off, they’re chatting and I’m thinking to myself “She’s so happy that she’ll do anything for me now, including the Monroe Exchange”. At that point, she said, let me introduce you to my special friend, Kang. I was smiling because she said special before the word friend, but he looked at me and said: “You look nothing like Kang from Star Trek.” I said that was my real name but he laughed at me and said my Klingon accent was horrible. Well, one thing led to another and I got into a slapping match with the man. Of course I won and slapped the moustache off of him, but that chick I was fiending over refused to talk to me after that. And I thought chicks were into Alpha Males!!!
I mouthed off and vowed something about pissing on his grave. I really don’t recall what I said. But now that James Doohan is dead, I received tons of phone calls from angry Trekkies accusing me of killing Scotty! I had NOTHING to do with it. I’m too busy planning MH to plan the death of a Canadian actor, or any Canadian for that matter. Repeat, James Doohan died of natural causes and not from any direct or indirect action on my part.
-Ed
