Me, You, And Everyone We Know
So I decided to check out a movie this weekend and, much to my dismay, Batman Begins was sold out yet AGAIN. At first, I thought it would be funny to spray the audience with soapy water and gasoline to make the ol’ “Kang Napalm Homemade Style” but I decided to go to my favorite hot dog establishment, Papaya King. I could have sworn that those hot dogs used to be fifty cents!!!
Things just aren’t as good as I remembered them. The hot dog was okay but when I walked in there I thought to myself “get kraut, get kraut, get kraut” then I took one look at the bucket of relish and said “give me relish!” Kang’s rule#7, always go with your gut feeling, and instead I stupidly went with my eyes. It was tasty but I really did want kraut. Man, why did I go with relish? Cuz it was bright green! My secret weakness!
Oh yeah, the movie. It’s strange, and at one point they mention something… I guess I should write SPOILER ALERT or something. That reminds me of the time I was reading aint-it-cool-news and found spoilers to Episode III, YOU GOTTA WRITE THOSE WARNINGS IN CAPS, SON!!! I’m getting off topic:
SPOILER ALERT
(scroll down to read spoilers)
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At one point, there’s a kid talking about exchanging pieces of poop from his butthole to another butthole, and I accidentally blurt out: “that’s the Monroe Exchange!” There was a gay guy in the audience and he turned to me and smiled. Was he smiling because he knew what it was and was glad to see someone else who knew of the term, or was he coming onto me? Either way, I was flattered. Anyway, the entire time I was wondering if the dude thought I was coming onto him so I decided to take off. The last movie I walked out of was Ladykillers… man, I thought the movie was going to be TOTALLY different!
Hmmm… that wasn’t much of a spoiler. Never mind. Forget what I wrote. I missed out on the ending so if the ending is good please let me know what happened after they talk about the Monroe Exchange. And if anyone knows how to use Moviefone and wants to buy me a ticket to Batman Begins before it leaves the theatres, I’ll make them tax exempt for a whole year. Yeah, I’m the Attorney General and I can do that.
-EAK
