An Doctorate in being evil? You’re hired!
So of course I forget to take down my advertisement on Monster.com. It was years ago but people still send me a resume from time to time:
WANTED:
Evil doctor capable of running Laboratory of Doom, named after Fredrick Doom who gave a very large endowment to have it built. Must have phd in molecular biology, abnormal psychiatry, and semiotics. Ambition a must and driver’s license a plus.
Every now and then I get a resume and/or a headshot from someone but I got the coolest thing yesterday:
Dear Mr/Mrs. Kang
My name is Dr. Frazenblau Feinmanster. I have all of the skills and talents mentioned in your job description. To boot, I also have a doctorate in being evil from Stamford. Enclosed is my resume and video tape of me stripping away the humanity from prisoners at Gitmo.
Sincerely,
FF.
First of all, what’s with the mr/mrs kang thing? Who does she think I am, Jamie Lee Curtis?!? I let that go after I read that she has a doctorate in being evil! However, I’m suspicious about the entire Gitmo thing. I was there the ENTIRE time and don’t recall seeing her there.
So I call her in and believe it or not the bitch is blind! I have her take a seat and have her tell me her life story. It’s all in one ear and out the other with me, and I spend the next few minutes furtively placing one of my spare capes on her along with two of my back up eye-patches. By no means does she look like a Kang Mini-Me, but she looked like she could be evil enough to run the Lab O’ Doom. I hired her on the spot. I feel good about myself for the first time in awhile. I think I’m gonna treat myself to a Krispy Kreme donut and see a movie… maybe Grizzly Man…
-Ed
