Attorney General Edward Kang’s blog

I do a lot of things… some good and some bad. Perhaps you see ol’ Kang the Tang as a role model. That’s fine by my oranges. If there’s one thing that you should learn from me is that you should file your taxes quarterly. It’s simply the right thing to do.

So I had my accountant killed after I found out that he was a Vegan. I don’t want no vegan hands handling my gold. Instead of getting a replacement I decided to do my own taxes this year. As I was going through my files, I noticed that there’s a dude that has been taking a cut out of my money, some dude named FICA. Is this some sort of protection money so that I may live in peace?

I decided to hack into W’s personal email account to get to the bottom of it and asked everyone on his blog if they could “tell” me who “FICA” was so I could “kill” this “guy” “with” “extreme” “prejudice”. I got one response from Karl Rove saying that FICA stood for something. Heck yes it stands for something, it stands for ripping off Kang!

One night, I get a call at 2am. For those that don’t know, I make it a point to be in bed by no later than 2am. Why? Dunno, we all have to have some sort of rules in life, yes? Anywhoo, I get this call that wakes me up. I have to climb over three hookers (one of them was dead I think) to get to my RazrV3 (man, those things are sex-Y!). When I pick it up, I hear someone laughing on the other end.

“Hello, is this Kang? This is FICA. I’m out to get your cash!”
“Who is this? This is not FICA. FICA would not call me so late. Tell me, is tomorrow afternoon before 4pm a good time for you to die? I expect all of my money back with 13.5% interest!”
“This is FICA.”
“Hey, are you the Jerky Boys? I love it when you pranked Pablo Honey.”
“No, I’m not the Jerky Boys, I’m FICA.”
“Wait a minute, I recognize that voice. Is this Trent Lott? Lott, you douchebag! When I see you tomorrow at water polo I’m gonna hit you harder than puberty!”
“This isn’t Lott! I’m FICA, and I gotta go!”

Needless to say, when I saw Lott the next day I gave him such a massive wedgie that the stock market went up 15 points. Now that I think about it, that was sheer coincidence.

-Ed

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