Attorney General Edward Kang’s blog

Rejoyce! Even if your name isn’t Joyce! Kang is back!

But you’re wondering, what happened to Kang? Last we heard of you was back in September. Did something happen? Well, just say I had to disappear like Vito on the Sopranos, except I’m not gay and I’m CERTAINLY not Italian.

Was Kang in Witness Protection? A really long session of AA? None of these! The magic of Kang is that he doesn’t have to answer to anyone!

As the weeks go on, I will reveal the missing months of my life as well as update you on regular happening as your Attorney General. It is election year, so I will be on the campaign trail tryng to get your vote! Kang in 06! Write that down, or it will be the last thing you see before I poke your eyes out with my disposable razor.

Actually, Kang is pleased to announce that I have switched from the always stylish Mach 3 Razor to an electric shaver. Why, you ask? Because, since this is an election year, Kang is trying to get in touch with his younger voters to show how entrenched Kang is in the 21st century. Studies have shown that old people use razors, hip people use electric razors, and really hip people use lazers. I don’t think I’m up to lazers quite yet… it’s all about baby steps, people.

Now, since Kang is your friend and he wants your vote, let me give you a word of advice. You’ll note that “old Kang” would never give out advice for free, or not hold it against you that Kang gave you something without something in return, but heed my warning: DO NOT USE AN ELECTRIC RAZOR ON YOUR BALLS. This is a pain that goes beyond description. I thought the guys down in Gitmo were cruel, this is the kind of pain where you want to invest in a time machine and slap yourself a day earlier and go: “Why did that make sense to you, stupid?”

By the way, I didn’t use it on my balls, I’m merely passing on info I overheard. That’s right, Kang in 06 rolls that way.

More later… it’s good to be back.

-Ed

This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 16th, 2006 at 3:10 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.